Why do we need to learn conflict management?

International conflicts remain rife, often with dramatic consequences for millions of people. On a personal level we experience conflict in families, at school, at work, with neighbours, friends and public authorities. Conflicts can be life changers: becoming a refugee, going through a divorce, losing friends, a job or the right to stay in a house may be traumatic.

While some life-changing conflicts like wars are beyond the influence of most of us, it makes a big difference how we handle the ones we can influence. In general, our success in life depends on how we relate to conflict. How we handle a kidnapping or hijacking may even decide life or death.

How well equipped are we?

With few exceptions, conflict management and communication are not part of our education, and we depend on what life may teach us. Some people appear more skilled than others — through experience, wisdom or intuition — but most of us would benefit from enhancing our skills. Too often our need to be right or our emotional reactions get the better of us, blurring our thinking and frustrating our ability to listen and act adequately. Even in our clearest moments we may not know how to handle conflict constructively.

There is a variety of literature and training on the market, offering advice on conflict-related communication and strategic and tactical approaches. Given the importance of the subject, it is reasonable to demand that such sources have a strong theoretical foundation. Very often they do not.